Recently, I’m racking my brains to apply for the big four. I feel the applying is so boring and meaningless. It makes me feel poor and miserable as a buffoon after the mechanical processes.

 

I have never thought to be elite, and actually I’m not. My hope is to be better than average, but I’m not sure if I made it.

 

I can hardly imagine what kind of offer I will receive or where I would stay at last, and I reluctant to imagine what I should do if there is no job opportunity for me when I graduate in Dec. But I do know I have to finish my master thesis as soon as possible, since there’s basically one month left to do thesis defence, and I have to spare some time for job seeking too. Full throttle!

I was so busy with my master thesis from National Day, I found there’s a lot to learn and prove, writing thesis is quite not as easy as I thought before, since I spare so little time to do the thing, it seems more difficult.

 

Basically speaking, holidays mean nothing to me, especially on this stage of my life, now I own much time and got even more things on my schedule.

 

Instant noodles and ordered take-outs are my eating stuff these days, since I don’t want to interrupt my mind and besides there’s nothing worth to eat in the school canteen on holidays.

 

Climbing and <Drop Dead Diva> are my recreations, I got quite fun from both of them. Every afternoon I had a long walk with some classmates on Yuelu Mountain, it is such a healthy and precious activity. I appreciate the confident fat girl in <Drop Dead Diva>, every one has his/her style to relax, to some people like me, we mainly depend on eating, it’s nothing about will power but natural instincts.

 

Well, it seems writing in eng do help me back to my lost language, I feel pretty much smooth to write this way now.

 

Continue my crazy love with Matlab---

 

 

LiuNainai, Wang MM, me and DaBing on Yuelu. How fat I am!

我觉得这篇还是应该用母语写:

 

从4月29日考理论，到9月29日考完场外，我为期5个月的学车生涯终告结束---

 

在报名学车的时候，没有想过它会成为我今年里一件重要的事，虽然老妈一再劝诫我在外地学车没有我想象中的简单，但我还是信誓旦旦的说，我就是要见见社会锻炼一下自己，那时候我很讨厌听人家说你在学校待的太久，太不了解社会，那时候我天真的以为将近毕业的自己已经相当老练成熟，后来我才发现，驾校才是一个集中了所有假恶丑的地方，学校里的矛盾争端，实习时的明争暗斗，真的微不足道，但最丑恶的东西往往也有最直接的解决方法，非财即色---

 

从我学车开始，长沙交警大队已经开始限制报考名额，无论桩考、场内还是场外，一辆教练车一周只有两到三个学员名额可以报名考试，而驾校的招生规模和理论考试名额则有增无减，于是源源不断的学员积压在驾校，每天排着长队等着练车，施展浑身解数争取可怜的考试名额，教练也顿时拥有了学员眼中至高无上的权利，最恐怖的是6月份，一大批要毕业的学生抢着练车和考试，学车和温度一样都到了白热化---

 

就是因为这样的体制，容不得你有半点疏忽，而我却好死不死的在费尽力气争取到场内考试机会后华丽丽的挂了，那时候我完全跌入了低谷，纠结在失利的情绪中难以自拔，其实考不过本没什么，只是这结果背后还要继续去练车和争考试名额的现实让我感到恶心的难以接受，我不愿意去练车不想去面对那里的人和事，非常不想不愿意，后来幸好因为实习，我给自己找了个合适的借口慌张逃离了长沙，两个月的实习意义或许不在于它本身，而在于它在我最慌张纠结的时候给了我一个出口，我用了两个月的时间才勉强克服了不想学车的心理障碍，就在9月份当我调整心情鼓起勇气再去学车前，我都还几经挣扎---

 

新的教练新的考试内容，有了之前的经验，很多事处理起来其实再没之前那么单纯和慌张，一切比我想象的顺利，我想这也是所谓成长---

 

学车的过程中给教练装过孙子也跟教练大吵过，大哭过也大笑过，大喜过也大悲过，生活就是这样，有些事是要看开些的，但有些原则是必须要坚持的，没必要逞强，但一定要坚强---

 

我的考试日程:
4月20日 报名
4月29日 理论考试
5月22日 桩考
6月27日 场内
9月12日 场内补考
9月29日 场外

 

我的学车费用：
报名（学生价) 2580
体检 30
补考费(场内挂了一次) 260
看考场(场内考试前看考场，因为补考，共看了两次考场） 50+50=100
实习标志（最后一门场外考完，交给交警大队） 50
烟（送桩训教练2包，送第一个场内教练2包，送第二个场内教练4包和点心一盒，考场外前送教练3包） 25*11+20=295

共计：3315 (不含练车过程中给教练买饮料买槟榔等其它费用)

 

感谢学车过程中结识的诸位朋友！

Nowadays I have to break the writing of my master thesis for some time, and focus on the following urgent tasks:

 

Exam: qualification of security practitioner

22-25 prepare ——go self-studying again

26、27 take the exam ——a long way to the exam hall

 

Driving test

28 exercise ——go driving again

29 take the final test ——so anxious about the test

 

Fit club

Every day ——go dancing again

 

Though time is short for everything, I’ll try my best. Good luck!

Generally speaking, shopping means eating more than shopping to me. When I went shopping with Qingqing and Yanzi two days ago, we spent a day out and eat a lot a lot, so in order to control my weight, I decide not to go out.

 

Since I start dealing with my master thesis, my life became a mass. There’s various stuff lying on my desk and surrounding me, which makes it easy for me to get things in need within arms reach. My sleep hours and eating habit are also disorganized. Although it seems awful, I enjoy this state very much, I can wear the most comfortable clothes stay in house for hours, and don’t need to see people I don’t want to see or do things I don’t like to do. The only problem is my rest and eating style is a little unhealthy, so I decide to clear my space tomorrow, wash and shift all my stuff outside to the sunshine, make them tidy and clean.

corner of my desk

 

 

PS: I have taken off the glasses of my glasses.

 

 

Luckily I have passed one of my driving tests yesterday, however I feel anxious instead of excited all the way after test, and I can’t say why.

 

When I come back Changsha, I find there is hardly anything could delight me. I don’t know if life is too boring, or I put too much pressure on myself.

 

Last evening I had a long talk with Rong MM during our long walk around the school. I wish to show others the happy side of myself, and seldom tell people my true mind these days, which makes me discomfort sometimes, but it’s just hard to find the right person to tell, people are all too busy to be patient. We eat a lot and talked a lot, maybe the words I said were too bitter, Rong MM was so moved and asked to treat me sometime for eating again.

 

Anyway, I hope I could be in a better state, and everything turns better.

 

Today the fit club will be open again, and Liu Nainai has finished his exam, I finally find someplace to go dancing and someone to go climbing and play badminton with. I should enjoy my campus life as a freshman:

 

Sometimes the very thing you're looking for
Is the one thing you can't see
Isn't this world a crazy place
Just when you thought your chance had passed
You go and save the best for last......

 

Every minute at present was your imaginary future in the past---

 

These words come to my mind suddenly when I see the new freshmen happily take pictures with their parents in CSU. I was used to be one of them, full of hope and surprise, can’t wait to be apart from parents and to become one of us.

 

It is crowed recently around school, in the crowd, there are some to stay, some to leave, some relieved, and some entrapped.

 

The new campus has been used for welcome new students, and it seems CSU has added a new look which looks brilliant.

 

It is Teacher’s Day today, but Mr. Liu and I are both too busy to see each other, so I entrusted my classmates to send him something for regard.

 

Today I saw YeZi Liu again, and was surprised to know that she has failed in her test last time too. I will take the driving test the day after tomorrow. This afternoon when I ran into Hui Chen, we find it happens to be the same day when we take the same test. GOOD LUCK!

ME

XiaoNi

Rong MM

HaiYang

I’m a little exhausted recently with little sleep. Changsha is burning hot again, and I have to go under sun most of the time to accelerate my learning speed.

 

Yesterday we went to Wang city to practice in the examination field, although it was not the first time to be there, I feel so nerves to driving there especially the place where I failed last time. When I come back, it was too late, then I got a call from Liu Nainai before I find something to eat. I didn’t remember it was Nainai’s birthday until I came to the restaurant and see people were all there. It was surprised to see Teng Zhang has been so thin, it seems true that working in the fashion world, people pay more attention to their appearance. Early this morning, when I was waiting for the bus to learning driving, I met Li Yu in the bus station who was waiting to go intern, the first words he said to me is “ You have really gained weight---”---

 

This afternoon I booked to practice the “shifting in 100 meters” for the second time. It is a sweltering hot day, challenge again.

As this year’s “Happy girls” has ended last night, it seems to declare a termination of my happy studenthood. Maybe I will have little time and energy to focus on such games any more, but I really cherish the time, place and people who had watched this game with me. Those were joyful hours and happy summers.

 

2005 summer, introduced by JuanJuan, I see this TV game for the first time. It was called “Super girls” that time. I remember we were sitting in the students-dormitory and bad-mouthing the hostess Xiang Li, I remember we quarreled with boys of our class in the QQ group for the PK of Liangying Zhang and Jie He.

 

2007 summer, I watched the game “Happy boys”, that time I was crazy for Xing Su with Mandy, which seems incredible today for me. We lived in an apartment in the railway campus of CSU, Mandy and Yanzi were my new roommates, it was amazing that we three who came from different places and led different life could live together. Yanzi is a little older than me, I remember she and her boyfriend had little interesting for this game, and they were surprised to see Mandy and I so crazy for it.

 

2009 summer, when we finished the work of one week, it was so excited to see this game at Friday night, and it was lucky to live with Xiao Jing and Xiao Ni during my intern in Guangzhou. We discussed the girls, the hosts, the judges, the songs, the dances, the clothes and even the advertises, we have so much in common, and can always get the same viewpoint easily. We are standing in the same crossroad facing one of our biggest problems, although it sounds a little bitter, we are independent, feel good of ourselves, and love to make fun of present life.

 

People have no reason to say this game is a waste of time, because I have benefit a lot from what these girls and boys had showed no matter on or down stages, even there do exit a lot of defects.

（Writing these above only to recall my memory and my friends---)

 

 

 

 

Yesterday I learnt to shift between the five speeds in 100 meters’ driving, that was a little hard especially when you first learn it. It was funny to see my townee was still there too, we start learning with the same coach on the same day without known each other, and never see each other since graduate from the first coach, but to our surprise, we happen to draw the same second coach in different time, and failed in our test successively, until now others has got their licenses, we are still there. I’m ashamed to say we have shamed Shanxi people.

When I’m walking in school, looking at students around me, I can’t help to think what kind of life most of them will lead in future. Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're going to get. Life is not only amazingly beautiful, but also despairingly ugly. Not everything in life is what you want.

 

In order to please my new coach, I bought him four packs of cigarettes and a box of cookies. In order to get my driver license as soon as possible, I lied that there is little time left before I go back home to take the Civil Servants Exam. I have to beg him everyday from now on in order to get his permission to take the test.

 

Anyway, life is getting busy, I hope everything is worthy, cause I have little time to experience failure.

 

It is difficult to find someone do sports. My roommates has refused to play badminton any more, they choose to stay hungry instead of doing exercise. Yesterday, I called another classmate to go running together, and then she was sleepless last night after running, as expected, she reluctant to run anymore. Fortunately, since I will focus on my driver license under this hot weather, it may help somewhat to lose weight.

 

I always want to say something about Changsha’ buses, I call them the most “rock and roll” buses. Today after I experienced 905 at rush hour, I find not only the bus, but also the passengers are “rock and roll”, hoping the freshmen will get used to Changsha’ bus, and Changsha people.

I get haircut today, there comes some new staff in the barber shop, and I feel at ease to see my barber still there, cause there needs little words between us, but he is familiar with my hair and my requirement, which  makes me feel comfortable enough.

 

The meeting with Stef.Fang’s friends today was not so interesting, the boys were too shy to communicate, I’m eager to be friends with someone optimistic humorous and straightforward, but I have no impulse to interest some unknown boring people.

 

It is so annoyed to see yourself got so much weight, and it is even annoyed that nobody around you are in the some situation, which means I become the only lonely person confused with losing weight.

 

It has been two months since I failed in my test for driver license, when I brave enough to go driving again, everything seems to be changed today. My coach is not there any more, the playground has added some new facilities, and it is said that the content of test has also been modified, all need to be restarted under the invariable tough situation. Hoping everything will go smoothly.

 

Recently, I’m watching the TV show “i-apartment”, this funny show is based on the classical “friends” but has blend in Chinese elements, at least better than “Meteor Shower” and “Ugly WuDi”, so I recommend people to watch it.

 

I will get down dealing with my master thesis, for time is limited, but things are waited.

Changsha is getting cool now finally--- since I come back, the temperature is stay high above 37’C, this kind of weather which called “autumn tiger” in Chinese, is tough and horrible for people, especially for people who like sweating as me. People become lazy and dizzy under the uncomfortable weather condition, I simply do nothing proud to say these days.

 

Mandy is on her way to Wuhan, and stopped in Changsha for some days, I settled her in back street and try my best to entertain, so these days I hardly in dormitory to do my business.

 

Super girls’ top 3 have come out, I’m pleased to see the two I love most—Yingrong Zhang and Ying Huang are both safe in, but also feel pity for Kewei Yu, cause she looks so kind and sings so perfect.

I made this decision to write in eng when, all of a sudden, I realize I need to enrich my life with a different style.

This time I’m serious and firm to pick up my lost eng.

Since I have been attracted to the SOA exams, I missed lots of my original interests, there is too much time and energy which I spend to realize my dream of actuary.

After my internship in GF securities, I found there is a broad playground for me if I’m not limited　 myself to a single profession, it also means that I have to develop more advantages of myself.

Math, Eng and Chinese were my favorite classes when I was in middle school. After six years’ middle school study in foreign language school, I was pretty like eng especially when I was a freshman, since eng was standing out from a lot of other boring classes. But as a math major high school student, what happens to me is a long goodbye to eng.

 

Try to write something simple in life first:

These days I focus on the competition of super girls, since last week Yingring Jiang and Jie Zhang played a completely successful dance, I lean to vote to this hot Chengdu girl, who is not good at words but excellent in singing and dancing, especially in playing European and American music. It is less easy to be both active and passionate, I can see her effort to be the one today.

I have got lots of weight this summer in Guangzhou, which is annoyed me a lot, plus the fit club will not opened until school begins, in order to reduce weight, I play badminton and go running every night since I come back to Changsha, hoping I can revert back.